When going on a 3-day trip to the greater Boston area, it is important to have three things:(1) tickets to Gutenberg! The Musical!, (2) a Dunkin' Donuts gift card, and (3) the knowledge that no matter what obstacle gets in your way, everything will turn out alright.On day one, when you get to Hertz rental and a creepy man from Quebec lurks over your shoulder and delays your trip by 20 minutes -- do not fret and search for some mace -- he'll eventually leave.And when you get to Salem and have to circle the town for over an hour searching for parking -- do not panic and start screaming obscenities -- you'll eventually get one.
Then when you've parked and can't find any of the tours you've been planning for months -- do not let the stress give you a headache -- you'll eventually find them.
The next night after you've spent the whole day anticipating a show
and get lost on the way, with only twenty minutes to spare -- do not have an earth-shattering panic attack and almost crash your car into a wall -- you'll eventually get there.And afterwards when you're looking for some place to eat and the only spot open is a Taco Bell drive-thru with over 30 cars in front of you -- do not grip your stomach and almost pass out -- your burrito will eventually come.
Then on the last day when you go visit Harvard and you're too stupid to find legal parking -- do not experience heart palpitations and worry you won't have time to go see Lizzie Borden's house -- you'll eventually find a space with a meter.
Then after all is seen and done, and you leave Massachusetts with just enough time to get back and return your car -- do not get diarrhea and almost vomit out the window when you see this:
Once you're off the highway, you'll be able to zoom through every yellow light, ignore all the red ones, go 20 miles over the speed limit, and almost kill a dozen passersby before you eventually make it back to Hertz in a puddle of sweat right before they lock up the doors.
I am hoping to lower my blood pressure -- eventually.